Kandashians

Okay so minus the fact that I haven’t written a post in over half a year and promised several times that I would keep up with Gypsy Eyes (which we all know was complete nonsense), I can now finally say that I am back and I am here to stay!

I have returned to writing about my spirited life because yesterday I came to an odd yet humorous realization about my sisters and I. A realization that I felt was definitely worth writing about.

Let’s just rewind back to yesterday afternoon shall we…..

It was late in the afternoon and I felt inclined to help my baby sister update her LinkedIn profile since it hasn’t been updated circa 2014 when Ben and Jen were still a thing, and Prince was still walking on this god forsaken earth. In the process of this I caught her taking selfies of herself in the poses that Kim K would normally be caught doing. At that moment I felt like Kris K when she called out Kim for taking selfies as her sister was being sent to jail. What in the Helen blazin are you doing? Then it hit me….holy Moses my family are the Kardashians, but minus the injected lips and over exaggerated assets of course.

Let me break it down for you:

Kourtney – Me
Khloe – Bear
Kim – B Shell
Kris – Mamma K
Kylie and Kendall- my two idiotic brothers because their used to everything being served to them on a silver platter and don’t understand the definition of work

To prove my theory right on who we each represent I went straight to Buzzfeed and took the What Kardashian Are You? quiz. Those quizzes are legit, seriously. I took one to see what type of mythical creature I was and my end results did not disappoint….I was a Unicorn. It totally makes sense and I could not agree more. Except for this quiz I somehow landed on Scott DisDick which is technically Kourtney seeing as they were once together and both acted like a pair of sass queens. I mean I totally understand their logic with this seeing as I am lordess myself. It totally makes sense. Nonetheless I had to go back to my search tool and find a quiz that would only result in one of the three K sisters as opposed to the entire Brandy Bunch.

With a G&T in one hand and the quiz in the other I began to answer the questions in the way that my sisters would. B Shell was easy to answer for, any situations that gave me the option to click cry for was a solid go. Which concludes me to say that she is in fact the Kim K of the sisters, the emotional and soft one who can never get enough of the selfies. Bear and I however are a mixture of the two sisters – Kourtney and Khloe. We are both Khloe in a way that we have no problem telling it like it is. We have very tough skin and will skin anyone alive who dares tries to cross us. I cross more onto the Kourtney scale due to my monotone face expressions, sassy remarks and not knowing how to function when others get way too emotional around me. I’ll literally just sit there staring at them with a blank face debating whether or not I should lighten the mood with an inappropriate joke. It usually always fails in my favour….

Lastly Mamma K and Kris….now if my mom were to find out that I was comparing her to a Kardashian she would roast my butt for dinner and serve it to the dogs. But let me just say that they both share the same traits as any good mother out there does. They will literally do anything and everything for their children, even if it means supporting their upcoming sex tape. My mom would be the one caught saying “….as a mother, I wanted to kill her but as her manager….”  She’ll deny it, but we know.

In the end my family and I are our own form of the Kardashians, but with a lot more drama, tears and sarcastic moments. Moments that are definitely worth a TV show and would probably get more views than Clinton did votes in this past election. I’m just saying.

Holla at your girl Seacrest!

Cheers,

J

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